StarLife

I got a new laptop!!!! I have been wanting to buy a new laptop for so long already and I have finally gotten the chance to do so this year. Out of some cash I managed to save, I went to Low Yat, KL, to browse around and got down to around 4 choices. All were from different brand and different specs. One thing for sure was that my budget was under RM2000. Well more like RM1500, but none of those under that figure satisfy what I need. Thus, I loosen it up a bit. I finally settled on buying the lenovo brand, but on the day I was supposed to buy it, was the day Malaysia was first under the lockdown. Yup, 18th of March 2020.  It was kind of a bummer, but oh well, I could wait. Since I still have my teacher's laptop with me. (Yes, I am borrowing my PA teacher's laptop which he so graciously lent to me.) Then out of a sudden visit from my father, we went to Digital Mall at PJ, browse at the top floor, All IT hypermarket I think, and man, I found the love of my life. Thi

I am an idiot. It was more like my anxiety skyrocketed when it comes to trying to solve maths. Especially Algebra. I think I am malfunctioning. I do not want to try and gave up almost indefinitely. Creating excuses and procrastinating. I felt sorry for everyone who had to witness my nasty teenage moody self yesterday. Especially my grandma who looked particularly excited (though she tried to hide it). But I don't know, I just could not bear with myself. I could not bear with people's attitude who seems to fail understanding our situation when I myself was not being that understanding myself. You know, there is saying that says,  "What you hate about others is actually what you hate about yourself. You won't be able to identify that trait if you don't go through it as well." Or something like that. I am not sure where I heard of that nor when, but it stuck by me for as long as I can remember and made me think twice before blindly decide to hate

Life has not been great. I am losing myself every day. Little by little, everything is starting to crumble. I feel like a broken piece, with no idea to the reason why I feel broken in the first place. This is not just a normal love story where I got dumped or cheated etc. Not even a case of family abuse, PTSD, trauma, no, there is no plausible reason to why I feel this way, but I just do. This might be my rock bottom. I use to have passion in learning. Especially Science subjects. I used to aced them. Well, that is a lie. I have never been good with it. Yet I cannot imagine living as something else, learning something else other than this subjects. Where do I go to refer about these issues I have? No matter who it is, I can never be honest. My life is full of sick twist and turns, with each string entangles deep with each other. What I have now is just a nasty mess of dark strings, never be able to straighten properly. As doing so will mean chaos being unleashed to the world